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Sorry I Was Late With Your Cadmium Yellow Paint

from Dwelling by Oxford

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Bet you're not thinking of me like I'm fixated on you. Sweating you out of my pores: the residual gloom. Bet it's not cold in New York like it is back in CT, and what makes your heart ache, well I'm sure it's not me missing you stealing my body heat. Bet you're spending your time with some purpose in mind. You're not banging your head on the wall like mine. Bet you're not glued to your phone. Think you let it die sometimes. With the way you taught me, I can't do the same with mine. Some nights I lie in bed and think of what I should have said and I know I'm always late. Everything in its place and every place with a time. You found your stopping point so when will I find mine. So I'll drink to get drunk and I won't call you tonight. I hope you won't find out about the way I kill time. Bet you're not thinking of me. I'm dying for you to. While you're out with your friends, I'll stumble back to my room. Pull the blankets up high - know you hated that - still feel real guilty so I'll pull the sheets back. And then I'll lie in bed and think of what I should have said when you said that you want to move out.

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from Dwelling, released April 12, 2018

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Oxford Hartford, Connecticut

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